Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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