I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
