She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
