i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
