I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
