It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
