Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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