did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
