So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
