I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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