Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
