she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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