end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
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