even my farts smell like vagina
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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