I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
