i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
