So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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