one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
