you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
