I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
