yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I think your dad took our porno
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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