i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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