i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
