I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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