youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
