I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
It's Friday. Sex?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
