whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
