Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
