Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
