I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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