I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
