Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
