guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I just gargled with NyQuil
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
