How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
