direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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