Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
my sisters under your porch take her home
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
