i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
