I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
