She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Randomize
