When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
