i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
