I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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