the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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