I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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