just come out here and I will go home with you...
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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