does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
