i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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