I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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