Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
