i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
