6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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