I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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