The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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