Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
