He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
