Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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