Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
just tell him i said nine months
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
