everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Randomize
