She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
