he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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