That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
