trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
