I skipped work to stalk him.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
