Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My cat gives me a boner
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
