This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
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I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
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At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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