remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
